Okay, I have discovered that I have to be more disciplined about blogging. Maybe i do and maybe I don't have any original thoughts, but I am going to express them any way. We shall see if it makes any sense at all. I am going to say what comes to my mind....It occurred to me today that I could actually be putting some of my gay friends, family, or associates, who happen to be United Methodist Pastors, at risk just by mentioning their name in this blog. It is possible that some of the folks who are so adamantly against anyone gay entering or remaining a United Methodist clergy could comb this blog site, take names, and sentence them to death siting the Old Testament. Or they could turn their names into the Bishop for punishment....Then as I took this further in my mind I started thinking about my experiences as member and chair of Staff Parish Relations Committees in 2 United Methodist Churches...The situations and personalities that I encountered led to divorce of one pastor and other mean and nasty things but yet they don't want people that I know, who happen to be gay (not be choice but by nature) who are moral, ethical and caring people, to become Pastors in this Church...My Church..(I love that piece of the Reconciling Ministries video in which the guy says "Hey, they are talking about ME...they want to keep ME out" or something like that.....It began to get absurd and make me mad...I began to think that if this was anything else (except the armed services) somebody would be getting sued. If a person is baptised in the U Meth faith and told that they are a child of God how can they become not so? I keep trying to reconcile myself, thinking this is just one issue in our Church, but daggonit, this is serious. This flies in the face of Jesus...This is my Church too and I strongly disagree with Don't Ask Don't Tell. I think rational thinking people know that people do not choose their sexuality....People who are not heterosexual can be just as moral or immoral as anyone. Generalizing any population is bad business...Enough....
Reconciling Ministries Network mobilizes United Methodists of all sexual orientations and gender identities to transform our Church and world into the full expression of Christ’s inclusive love.

Scars
Something Jayson said about scars from GC 2004, as well as what Julie T said about feeling uneasy about GC coming up have both resonated with me, and spurred me to finally write my first blog post in this forum.
I am also a General Conference veteran. In 1996, I attended the entire two weeks in Denver with the Garrett-Evangelical seminar. In 2000, I attended the Cleveland GC as a volunteer from Broadway UMC and stayed the whole time there as well. In 2004, I planned not to go at all, but midway through the first week, found I couldn't stay away. By the weekend I was in Pittsburgh. And I plan to attend the entire conference this year as well. "Liberal church nerd". That's me. (Thanks to Sue for the label.)
My clearest memories are of the Cleveland GC. I was a legislation monitor in the Faith and Order legislative committee. It took almost all of my time and energy. We met late into the nights and all day on both weekend days. I did not get to attend the RMN rally, or do any witnessing events like holding open doors and passing out newsletters. I barely saw my BUMC friends and I certainly didn't get as much time as I would have liked seeing my larger "church family"--some of whom I only see at this gathering, every four years!
But I clearly remember the last days and hours. The faces of the delegates. The 14 Bishops who led a hymn sing during a break in the voting. The witness of Sue Laurie and Randy Miller. The faces of those who went up front during the proceedings, and their subsequent arrest. (And the celebration we had outside the jail when they were released.) The anguished voice of the woman who threatened to jump from the balcony railing when the church's renewed rejection of her sexuality and her very person were brought to life in the voting. The tears. The way my stomach felt. The faces and rainbow rag stoles of those who were watching the proceedings from the balcony--a silent witness. The rockin' party we had down the street when it was all over--a resurrection of sorts.
That these memories are so clear all these years later reveals just what an impact that gathering had on me emotionally. It was overwhelming and traumatic. I remember the ride home; it was pretty quiet in the car. We were all just shell-shocked and exhausted. It took me months afterwards to feel like myself again.
Am I anxious about going to Fort Worth? You bet I am. But I am also hopeful, afraid, excited, determined, and feeling the Spirit leading me. We are going to Texas next month. I can't wait to see all those far-flung family members. I look forward to the comfort of being surrounded by other United Methodists and having some great worship opportunities. I will feel welcome, because this is my church and my home. I know this will not be without struggle, and the work we will do spans many years and at least a few more General Conferences! But I feel ready to get there and begin the work anew.
I have been carrying around two Audre Lord quotes recently and I think they're appropriate for us:
When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.
When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
Posted at 08:00 AM in Commentary, Jenn Peterson | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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