Striving for Normalness, but never normality

I am numb - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Returning home after General Conference has been rather surreal - I am comforted by my friends, my apartment, my City, even by returning today to work, and I am striving to get back to the normalness of life.  Slowly, I will get back to my regular routine - catch up on my sleep, and be able to get through a day without thinking about General Conference, maybe even get through a whole day without thinking about the United Methodist church.

Yet, I know that I am changed by General Conference - just as I was changed by General Conference in 2004.  I have lived through a harsh rejection, by the church that I have loved since I was young.  I have said often in the last week that it is not for me that I am in pain, but for the many others who have been so deeply hurt by the Church.  My numerous friends who have been denied their call to ministry, my friends whose love is not recognized by our church, my friends who seek a place where they can be themselves wholly and fully.  Today, for the first time, I was able to admit to a friend that I too have been hurt deeply by this church, a denial that I had not faced up to this last week.  For some reason, I felt like I was being naive and foolish to open myself up to be hurt yet again, but I was and continue to be stung by the words and actions of our church.

In 2004, I experienced a very powerful movement of the Holy Spirit - it happend on the prayer line outside of teh Pittsburgh convention center.  I have described it to some friends as being like a phoenix rising up inside me, calling me to action.  I have felt the same spirit within me this last week - beginning with the powerful witness on the floor of General Conference, and continuing as I speak with friends around the country, both who attended and did not attend GC. 

There is no normality to be had, we cannot let up on our work - for it is not our work, but God's work.  There is no returning to a time when I was oblivious to the words of the church, to the time before I had learned about the deep sin the church has committed to its gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender sons and daughters, to a time when I was content to sit back and let others do the work of justice.

I do need to take some time.  I have wounds that must heal, and a weary body which must rest.  We as a community need to gather ourselves together to support each other during this valley, but we cannot step away from this work.  It is our calling and we have been put here for such a time as this.  As we get back to our daily lives, I hope that we do not fall into the normality of complacency, but are able to find the deeper, truer, call to justice.