General Conference 2008

Striving for Normalness, but never normality

I am numb - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Returning home after General Conference has been rather surreal - I am comforted by my friends, my apartment, my City, even by returning today to work, and I am striving to get back to the normalness of life.  Slowly, I will get back to my regular routine - catch up on my sleep, and be able to get through a day without thinking about General Conference, maybe even get through a whole day without thinking about the United Methodist church.

Yet, I know that I am changed by General Conference - just as I was changed by General Conference in 2004.  I have lived through a harsh rejection, by the church that I have loved since I was young.  I have said often in the last week that it is not for me that I am in pain, but for the many others who have been so deeply hurt by the Church.  My numerous friends who have been denied their call to ministry, my friends whose love is not recognized by our church, my friends who seek a place where they can be themselves wholly and fully.  Today, for the first time, I was able to admit to a friend that I too have been hurt deeply by this church, a denial that I had not faced up to this last week.  For some reason, I felt like I was being naive and foolish to open myself up to be hurt yet again, but I was and continue to be stung by the words and actions of our church.

In 2004, I experienced a very powerful movement of the Holy Spirit - it happend on the prayer line outside of teh Pittsburgh convention center.  I have described it to some friends as being like a phoenix rising up inside me, calling me to action.  I have felt the same spirit within me this last week - beginning with the powerful witness on the floor of General Conference, and continuing as I speak with friends around the country, both who attended and did not attend GC. 

There is no normality to be had, we cannot let up on our work - for it is not our work, but God's work.  There is no returning to a time when I was oblivious to the words of the church, to the time before I had learned about the deep sin the church has committed to its gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender sons and daughters, to a time when I was content to sit back and let others do the work of justice.

I do need to take some time.  I have wounds that must heal, and a weary body which must rest.  We as a community need to gather ourselves together to support each other during this valley, but we cannot step away from this work.  It is our calling and we have been put here for such a time as this.  As we get back to our daily lives, I hope that we do not fall into the normality of complacency, but are able to find the deeper, truer, call to justice.

For Everyone Born

For Everyone Born, a place at the table, for everyone born, clean water and bread, a shelter, a space, a safe place for growing, for everyone born, a star overhead.  And God will delight when we are creators of justice and joy, compassion and peace, yes God will delight when we are creators of justice, justice and joy.                              
- Shirley Erena Murray, For Everyone Born

A new setting of this powerful hymn is going to be introduced at General Conference.  This setting was written to celebrate the decision by the First UMC in Vermillion, South Dakota, to become a reconciling conference.  It is our "reconciling song" that we use all the time in our church, and we are proud to share it with the wider reconciling community.  It has just been published by the Global Praise unit of the General Board of Global Ministries in a book that bears its name:  For Everyone Born.  Here is some of the story of that song, with words from some of the key players. 

Vermillion, South Dakota, population 8,000, is home to The University of South Dakota.  In 2000, the First UMC of Vermillion opened up a housing unit for college students called the Student Christian Community, which was a part of the campus ministry (coffeeloft.org).  Six men lived in the house that first year (in subsequent years a second living space for women was opened).  All of us were musicians and we quickly became heavily involved with providing music for church - and we all fell in love with the church, and they with us. 

It was about this time that I started to come out as a gay man, and my five roommates were an immense well of support to me - I was astounded.  The discussions we had eventually led me and some of the others in the house to start conversations with first the pastor, then with members of the church.  These informal discussions led to study groups, Sunday school classes, sermons, and eventually open questioning and dissent from the UMC's official exclusionary policies. 

As Brook McBride, pastor, recently wrote:  I recall the first time someone in our church came out to me and then to a Sunday School class and then to the entire congregation and the spirit of acceptance that overwhelmed all of us.   

Several years later, the church (and the campus ministry) became Reconciling communities, officially aligned with RMN.  To celebrate that decision, we commissioned a reconciling song that we could use in worship.  After months of discussion, we decided on the beautiful words penned to the hymn by Shirley Erena Murray, For Everyone Born.  Although the words do not mention GLBT people by name, their awesome power resonated with everyone in the congregation.  We decided to ask Brian Mann, one of the former members in the SCC, and the music leader of our group, if he would set these words to a new song that could be distinctive of our voice.

Brian took up the challenge.  He recently wrote: 

" . . .Being a part of the Vermillion (United) Methodist church made me feel at home and gave me an opportunity to reach out to the surrounding community.  I was always so amazed at how accepting of others the Vermillion church was. . . Young, old, gay, straight, everyone was welcome at the church.  It didn't matter what burdens you brought through the doors, it only mattered that you were there and wanted to know Jesus.  After graduation, I was asked to write a praise song for the church based on the hymn For Everyone Born.  I was honored.  As I read through the words, I couldn't help but notice how fitting the message was for the Vermillion church.  They are a community of Christians who have always demonstrated that EVERYONE has a place at the table." 

The song was first sung at the first year anniversary of our decision to become a reconciling congregation.  The congregation immediately fellin love with Brian's new setting of the song and we sang it loudly and proudly every chance we could.  It has become an anthem of sorts, that declares the identity and commitment of the First UMC of Vermillion.  Every time we sing it we remind ourselves of our commitment to justice and proclaim to the church and to the world that All really means All. 

As beloved as this song is to us, it is also bittersweet.  As Brook McBride again says: 

Today is the day....it's finally arrived...our new edition of the Global Praise book "For Everyone Born" is finally in my hand.  As I hold it in my hand tears both of joy and pain come to my eyes.  At the same time as I hold all of this hope and joy, I also hold the pain of this song's incompleteness.  The nauseau I literally experienced, and still experience, when I read and reread the phrase in our UM book of discipline.... "incompatable with Christian teaching"...and the tears of pain it has caused for so many of my friends and family.  This song carries so much of my hopes for the church I love and the dreams of what we can become...and yet as I hold all those hopes,  I cry in pain and anger at the injustice of this song's incompleteness.    Sometime in those dark moments I secretly wonder.."Is this song just some candy for us?  Some placebo we sing to sooth our hungry souls...given to us so that we don't rise up?  And yet as I sit here today I see it instead as a "walking" song...indeed as a "marching" song...calling us out to be...to do...to act...no matter what!  It has become an essential part of my gospel...a gospel that means nothing unless it is inclusive of all.  "for everyone born...a place at the table!" 

I hope that others will find this song to be equally inspiring and a way to positively state what the church should be, even as we continue to challenge the church to live up to these ideals.

Peace with Justice

I joined a church today . . .

I joined a United Methodist church today . . .

I took the step of becoming an affiliate member of a wonderful congregation, the church of Saint Paul and Saint Andrew, in New York City.  It was the third time I have taken membership vows and become a member of a UM church.

The first time I took the membership vows, I was 13 and in the 8th grade.  It still stands out as one of the high points of my life.   

The second time I took the membership vows it was a transformative moment in my adult life.  I joined a church that had become a Reconciling Congregation and which had supported me in my coming out process.  I took the public act of truly formalizing my relationship with that powerful faith community - the First UM church of Vermillion, South Dakota.  It was a great celebration and one of those proverbial mountain top experiences. 

Today was supposed to be one of those pro forma, paperwork transfer, occasions.  I didn't expect there to be any emotional component, but then I got to the point in the service where I had to respond to the vows.

As I listened to the familiar language, which I have heard countless times in churches and repeated twice myself, I grew angry.  The anger really started during the powerful lines about resisting evil and injustice in whatever forms that they present themselves.  Then it outraged me when I was asked if I would be loyal to the United Methodist Church, and do all in my power to strengthen its minstries.

What?  It is almost laughable.  How could these two statements - that are in direct opposition to each other - both be answered affirmatively by me, a gay man? 

I heard and thought about these lines in the light of all that has happened in recent years.  Since the Judicial Council ruling 1032 allowed a minister to deny membership to a gay man.  I have heard the testimonies - some related on this blog - from those who ave been denied membership, just I as today was granted it.  The lines in the vow only served to remind me of my own second-class status in the UMC.  That somehow I should be glad I was able to join a church, because others like me have been turned away.    

Today, I joined a congregation that I love.  A wonderful community which loves me, which has taken the justice step of becoming a reconciling congregation.  I will faithfully - and joyfully - work to strengthen its ministries through my prayers, my presence, my tithes, and my service.

But also, today I realized that taking those vows was an act of defiance.  It was an act of civil disobedience against the UM church.  A body which has shown through its words and actions that I am unwelcome and unwanted. 

I joined a United Methodist church today and I publically took vows of membership.  I also privately committed that I will resist the inustice and oppression that presents itself in the United Methodist church.  Peace with Justice

Preparing Spiritually for General Conference 2008

I am a veteran General Conference (GC) attendee.  I don't know that it means much, but I definitely have the scars to prove that I was in Pittsburgh in 2004.  When I think back, I am unsure why I decided to go and spend two weeks in Pittsburgh at that point in time.  I had no idea what to expect and I certainly was not prepared for the roller coaster ride of emotions that was my experience before, during, and after GC. 

Having come out as a gay man and having gone through the issues of family, friends, and local congregation, I assumed that going to GC would be pretty easy.  I really hoped that the church was going to change - and I think believed that it really would happen in Pittsburgh.  The feelings of rejection, unwelcome, and unwant that I felt after General Conference affected me for months.

Now that I am a veteran, I still have hope for the church to change, I must have hope if I am going to stay in this denomination and keep trying to make things happen.  I really want to believe that it will happen in Ft. Worth.  However, I realize that I need to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually for the events of the next few months. 

This Lenten season, in preparation for GC, I have been engaged in a whole regimen of spiritual disciplines - I call it my spiritual work out.  I have been spending time in prayer for our church and our movement everyday.  I am spending time in scriptural study, and I have also started a regular schedule of fasting one day a week.

The most important part of this spiritual regimen, for me, is to feel a greater sense of connectedness, to God, to those who love me, to those struggling in this unjust church along with me.  With them, I can get through this GC just like Pittsburgh.  With them, I have faith that one day the UMC will change.

Peace with Justice.

Unity

The theme for this General Conference is "A Future with Hope."  However, if you have been following the articles in the official UM media, and the language coming from many of the bishops and general agencies, the real buzzword of GC 2008, is unity.

Unity is important to our identity as United Methodists. Our very name came from the “uniting” of the Evangelical United Brethren denomination and the Methodist denomination at a “uniting” conference 40 years ago. Our founder, John Wesley, famously said: "In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity." 

This unity talk started because some conservative caucus groups were pushing for schism at the last General Conference. I think most of us are agreed that we would rather that this didn’t happen. I am against schism.  I love our church and don't want it to split - read my earlier post.  But we also cannot let this talk of unity overpower the necessity of Justice. Unity is important, but it is not all-important.

The way the word unity is being used this general conference is to stop debate. There have been suggestions that we shouldn’t discuss GLBT issues this General Conference. That is not unity. According to my dictionary, unity means whole or being in totality. The church can never achieve unity until it welcomes all people, all families, all relationships, and all of our gifts and talents.

Let’s not forget the above quote by Wesley. The important part of that message seems to be “in all things, charity.” My question to the general church is where is the charity in Judicial Council ruling 1032? Or in taking credentials from ordained ministers? 

The opposite of unity, of "wholeness," is being broken, in pieces.  We as Christians know the value of brokenness.  Every time we have communion we relive the night when Jesus died, when he took the bread and broke it, saying this is my body.  It was through the brokenness of Christ's physical body that resurrection came.

Isn't the church also the body of Christ?  Although we should work to stay united, we should not be scared of being broken. It may be painful for us, but sometimes the path following Jesus leads us through times of brokenness. How else do we get to Easter?

We cannot sacrifice the GLBT community for some false idea of unity.  We must continue to bring our message of a justice-seeking, grace-filled, loving God, to everyone.  That is the only way to achieve true unity.

Why I Stay. . .

As I prepare for General Conference, I am confronted with a question from many of my friends. "Why do you stay in the United Methodist Church?"  As a young(ish) (31) gay man who is not called to ordained ministry, it seems easy enough to walk away from this church that keeps telling me through both its actions and words that I am unwelcome and unwanted.  If I am completely honest, this is a question that I am continuously trying to answer for myself.  My list changes almost daily, but these are the big reasons why I stay. 

I stay in the United Methodist church because this is my church.  I was born into a United Methodist family that had been involved in our predecessor denominations for generations (mom was a ME and dad an EUB).  The UM church is my home and a part of my identity.  The anti-GLBT language that has come out of General Conferences the last 30 or so years is not indicative of our entire history (read Will's blog on this topic).

I stay in the United Methodist church because this is where I learned about a faith community that has a commitment to social justice.  It has been taught to me that we are a people that go out into the world to change it.  Our mission statement is to make Disciples of Jesus Christ for the Transformation of the World.  Our Reconciling Movement is firmly rooted within the Wesleyan heritage and our mission.

I stay in the United Methodist church because of the community.  I was lucky enough to have been in a wonderful faith community that has helped in in the tough times of my life, especially during my coming out process.  I cannot imagine what would have happened to me if it had not been for a church and campus ministry - both reconciling communities - that helped me through this journey.  We need for every United Methodist church to be such a place of support to our GLBT community.

I stay in the United Methodist church because of the Reconciling Ministries Network.  I have been a part of several reconciling churches and a reconciling campus ministry.  Through RMN, I have met wonderful, justice seeking people throughout this denomination.  I stay because of the wonderful welcome and vibrancy of this community, and out of a sense of commitment to this family.

I stay in the United Methodist church because I have been called for "such a time as this" (Esther 4:14).  I stay to work for the inclusion of all people in our church including the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community and our allies.  This General Conference is one opportunity for us to stand up and stop the continued assault on our community and turn the church around.

I stay in the United Methodist church for now.  I am committed to continuing as long as I can, but it is a personal struggle every day.  Check back with me tomorrow ...

I look forward to discussing why you stay in the United Methodist church.  Peace with Justice.