General Conference 2008

the sunday after...

i have to admit, it was hard to put on a happy face and get back up in front of the church to lead worship this morning.  it was first sunday, which means communion, which i normally love.... but as the senior minister was reading the liturgy and reminding the congregation that "we do not understand this table to be St. Mark UMC's table nor the United Methodist Church's table, but God's table, welcome and open to all who would seek to encounter Christ"....i felt a knot in the pit of my stomach and tears well up in my eyes... this was going to be difficult to get through today, i thought to myself.  i sure didn't feel welcome in the church that i was born, bapitsed, confirmed and ordained into after seeing what happened at general conference.  nontheless, i knew that if i could just get through the service i'd be able to expres my grief later when no one else was around. 

my job as the deacon on first sundays is to set the communion table and then step over to the side of the chancel area with some oil for anointing and to offer intercessory prayer to anyone who wants it.  it has become a beautiful part of our communion tradition that i look forward to all month.  its one of my favorite things that i get to do at St. Mark. people come up and share their burdens with me and I get to anoint them with oil and offer blessings and prayers for them.  it is always an honor to serve in this way, but today i didn't feel like i had many blessings to give... 

general conference really has me devastated and i've been on the verge of tears off and on since wednesday.  here i was, standing as a minister in the UMC which had just smacked me and all of the people in my local congregation across the face with yet another rejection (despite sound, well organized, well articulated arguments and intentional relationship building with delgates prior to conference).  what did i as a minister in this denomination really have to offer them today?  we began the Lord's Supper and a few people came over to ask for prayers for illnesses and troubled relationships.  i did my best to focus on the anointing and offer a heart-felt prayer.  then one of my parishoners who had participated in the "called to witness" training, came over to me. at first i thought he wanted an anointing and prayer, but he stopped me and said that he came over to offer prayer for me...he said he was so proud of me for going to general conference and being a voice and presence for him and his partner of 34 years.  he said he could see on my face how wounded i was but he wanted me to know how much it meant to him and so many others that we all went to general conference and fought the good fight for them.  as i looked into his eyes i couldnt hold back the tears any longer.  in the midst of my pain and anger, he planted a flicker of hope that soon began to turn the tears of anger and hurt into tears of confidence and peace and i just let them roll down and cleanse my soul.  i continue to grieve for our beloved church, but not from a place of helplessness.  there is a certain confidence and peace that comes from knowing the truth about something.  the truth that i re-caught a glimpse of in that moment was that we are right about this, and that no vote at general conference can take away the ministry that is done at this church for and by LGBT people and their friends and allies.  this is just as much our church as it is anyone elses...and we are not going away...

i know this is the case in hundreds of churches all across the country and i'm so proud to be fighting this fight with all of you.  thanks for including me, guiding me, supporting me, and befriending me.  i hope i have offered the same to you thus far.  you are my heros...  thank God for you.

How i'm feeling...

i'm feeling a little overwhelmed now that i've finally arrived here at general conference....first off, i'm used to annual conference being all about comfortable clothing since it is held in the summer time at lake junaluska, nc in an open air auditorium that is usually hot and humid...thus people dress to minimize being hot and bothered.  once i finally got to the hotel and checked in, i strutted over to the convention center in my trendy jeans, shirt and shoes (complete with accessories) only to realize fairly quickly that i was somewhat underdressed compared to most of the rest of the people here.  nontheless, i kept my head up and registered as a visitor and proceeded on to one of the committees dealing with the social principles (making a mental note to be sure to wear my kakis tomorrow...).  i was pleasantly surprised to see the amount of racial, age and gender diversity in the room.  having never been to a general conference before, i was led to believe that the majority of people who can logistically manage being at general conference this time of year were retired or were employeed by the UMC who were here for work (and had their way paid).  i'm glad to see that people from many walks of life care enough to be here regardless of the burden it creates. 

I was excited to read about the drumming circle that the young people led, and how the reconciling parents lined up between the young people drumming and the people who showed up to speak hatred toward them, so that the witness of the drummers would go on even stronger....i wasnt present to witness this amazing act of love, but i felt tears in my eyes as i heard accounts of it.   

i got to the committee during what appeared to be a recess and learned that some pretty good stuff had made it out of committee...i was happy to hear that, but disappointed that i had missed all of the debate and voting....i was assured that this was only the beginning and that it was a long journey between now and the end of the week.  more debate will surely follow.  nonetheless, i'm cautiously opimistic that indeed "all means all" to the good people who are voting delegates at this general conference.  afterall, the United Methodist Church i love does not discriminate and in fact when people are excluded from membership, ordination, or full participation in any aspect of the church because of who they are, we all suffer together whether we realize it or not.  a church member at my home church said in a meeting recently that the collective body of christ in the United Methodist Church has been wrong before...most glaringly on issues of race and gender, and that it is currently wrong about the issue of sexual orientation.  i pray that the holy spirit continue to move among us this week that our polity not get in the way of the work that God is doing in the world but rather we come alongside and join in the work that God is already doing.  I for one believe that work is the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people in the life of the United Methodist Church.